Signs

Sign next to an elevator in the Federal Reserve Bank building in Boston:
In Case Of Fire, Evacuate The Building.
Do Not Use Stairways
Do Not Use Elevators

Above an elevator button in a Denver office Building one finds this sign:
Braille Instructions
Please See Below

On bulletin boards at a San Antonio hospital:
Nurses are required to wear nothing but white hose

In a Fremont Lake, Wyoming restroom:
This restroom is cleaned by volunteers. Please help us keep them clean

On a Chicago department store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs

At the entrance of Texas A&M:
National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week - Free Drinks in the Student Center Lounge

On a Newark, NJ government office:
The State of New Jersey has moved four blocks west

In the window of a Woodsville, WA store:
Out of Business
Thanks to Our Customers

Over cash register in Seattle clothing store:
We Don’t Change Underwear

Painted on the side of a pickup truck:
Sausage Deli
Tucson’s Alternative to Fine Dining

Outside a cabinet-maker’s shop in Sperryville, VA:
Antique Tables Made Daily

In front of a Parkville, MD seafood store:
Parking for Parkville Crabs only

Two signs, one over the other in Seattle:
Planned Parenthood
Free Delivery

On a Newton, MA club:
Live Lobsters
Dancing Nightly

In a pet shop:
Large Birds Reduced

In a Naples, NY cemetery:
Positively no holes dug in this cemetery

At a Sandwich, MA diner:
We guarantee fast service no matter how long it takes

On a farm near Elizabethtown, KY:
Used Cows For Sale

In auto repair garage near Seattle:
We are sorry but we cannot accept any customer parts or fluids

At a truck stop in Tulsa, OK:
Kids with gas eat free

At the entrance of a one-way bridge in Sonoma, CA:
When this sign underwater, this road is impassable

At the entrance to a bridge in Philadelphia:
In Case of Enemy Attack
Do Not Stop
Drive Right Off Bridge

In a Portland, ME parking garage:
Tenants not paid by the 15th of the month will be terminated


And some purposefully clever signs

In the front yard of a funeral home:
Drive carefully, we’ll wait

On an electricians truck:
Let us remove your shorts

Outside a radiator repair shop:
Best place in town to take a leak

In a nonsmoking area:
If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action

On a maternity room door:
Push, Push, Push

On a front door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog

At an optometrists office:
If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place

On a taxidermist’s window:
We really know our stuff

On a butcher’s window:
Let me meat your needs

On a fence:
Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive

At a car dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment

Outside a muffler shop:
No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming

In a dry cleaner’s emporium:
Drop your pants here

On a desk in a reception room:
We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left

In a veterinarian’s waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the electric company:
We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be

In a Beauty Shop:
Dye now!

On the side of a garbage truck:
We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got

In a restaurant window:
Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up

Inside a bowling alley:
Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop

In a cafeteria:
Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want

On a plumbing truck:
We repair what your husband fixed

Pizza shop slogan:
7 days without pizza makes one Weak

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout

Door of a plastic surgeon’s office:
Hello, can we pick your nose?

Sign at the psychics Hotline:
Don’t call us, we’ll call you

At a Towing Company:
We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

Billboard on the side of the road:
Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs

In a Podiatrist’s office:
Time wounds all heels

In a counselor’s office:
Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional

Vanity plate seen on a Mercedes Benz in California:
WAS HIS


Back to the Humor List | Back to the Entrance

797 visits since 1 March 2013
Last visit was on 2017-08-19 16:11:47