59 things to do at Wal-Mart

  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
  2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
  4. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they dont realize it.
  5. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
  6. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  7. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  8. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
  9. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  10. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, I need some tampons!
  11. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
  12. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
  13. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible I smell sex and candy.
  14. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
  15. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I think weve got a Code 3 in Housewares, and see what happens.
  16. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
  17. Play with the automatic doors.
  18. Walk up to complete strangers and say, Hi! I havent seen you in so long!... etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
  19. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, Who BUYS this crud, anyway?
  20. Repeat Number 19 in the jewelry department.
  21. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim youre taking it for a test drive.
  22. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
  23. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  24. Switch the mens and womens signs on the doors of the restrooms.
  25. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
  26. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, Wow. Magic!
  27. Put M&M’s on layaway.
  28. Move Caution: Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.
  29. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
  30. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.
  31. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  32. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, ...I’m Batman. Come, Robin; to the Batcave!
  33. TP as much of the store as possible.
  34. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
  35. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like Pick me!! Pick me!! and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
  36. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello upside down.
  37. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, Why won’t you people just leave me alone?
  38. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, Red Rover!
  39. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., Do you have any Shnerples here?
  40. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
  41. Take bets on the battle described above.
  42. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, No, no! It’s those voices again!
  43. Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
  44. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
  45. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
  46. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
  47. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission:Impossible.
  48. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
  49. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
  50. Say things like, Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?
  51. Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
  52. Two words: Marco Polo.
  53. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
  54. Re-alphabetize the CD’s in Electronics.
  55. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
  56. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
  57. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
  58. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
  59. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you dont get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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Last visit was on 2017-08-13 20:12:40